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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790509">Rain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taendery/pseuds/taendery'>taendery</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lee Taeyong, M/M, Self-Doubt, Smut, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:35:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taendery/pseuds/taendery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee Taeyong is a worker at a cafe, living day by day as he struggles to find himself and something that completes him. He is introduced to two of his future biggest passions, performing and Jaehyun. In the end, everyone can strive for one passion only. Which one will he choose?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Kim Jungwoo, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He despised rain for many reasons. When it would come, it would bring an undertone of sadness and undeniable loneliness. Its presence was so strong he could never ignore it. Wherever he was at the moment, it would be there too. It followed him around as the moon does on warm summer nights when the clouds are adrift and the stars are awake.</p><p>It was raining on this specific Monday morning when he woke up for work after getting around 4 to 5 hours of sleep, despite having the entire Sunday to himself. It looked darker outside than it normally does at 8 in the morning, which was why he thought he had woken up earlier, but his hopes to stay in and sleep a little longer were crushed by the time he looked at the alarm clock sitting peacefully on the counter next to his bed. It was 7:58.</p><p>He sighed and turned off the alarm beforehand, so it doesn't wake up his roommate. His naked torso twisted amongst the white sheets and covers as his subtle chain necklace fell gracefully nearing his neck and down to his chest. After spending a few moments staring at the ceiling, he finally somehow managed to gain energy to get up, but he only managed to sit on the side of the bed and contemplate about the choices he's making, so early in the morning.</p><p>After around fifteen minutes of fighting the sudden urge to quit his job and just stay in his bed for the rest of his life, he managed to grasp the only rational thought that crossed his mind in the sea of pessimistic ones and hold on tightly to it. He needed the money to succeed. So, following the catch of the rational thought, he wiggled his feet into the pair of slippers waiting for him peacefully right next to his bed, where he left them last night.</p><p>Without bothering to dress up yet, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen to get his usual two pieces of plain toast and a glass of milk. That was enough until he arrives to work, where he usually has a proper breakfast since there aren't a lot of customers early in the morning.</p><p>Taeyong worked at a newly opened cafe a few bus stops away from his apartment. He's been working there for a couple of weeks, usually morning shifts if his other colleagues weren't assholes. Though he'd been too good to refuse filling up for any of them, the money goes to him anyways, and he needs every extra few bucks he could get.</p><p>He was calmly drinking his milk while leaning on the kitchen counters and looking throughout the window which was filled with splashes of tiny raindrops making their way down. His roommate, Johnny, came in and interrupted his chaotic chain of thoughts. "Morning," he said, scratching his head, visibly tired from getting little sleep.</p><p>"You're up earlier than expected." Taeyong looks at him from behind his plain white cup.</p><p>"Yeah, I was gonna tell you I got a job at the bakery down the street," he said as he leaned on the counter next to Taeyong, taking a bite of his second piece of toast sitting on the plate, "but you were asleep  by the time I got home."</p><p>"Hey," Taeyong looked at him, completely forgetting about what he had just told him, "I was gonna eat that." He slouched. "And that's great news."</p><p>"It's nothing much, I just sell the food. And it pays good money, I figured I wanted to help you out a bit more with the rent since you know to work crazy hours sometimes.." Johnny sighs. "Seriously, you need to tone it down. You're already losing weight."</p><p>Johnny was his best friend since first grade. They even went to the same high school together, and they always sat next to each other. Johnny was in university, studying English Literature, and Taeyong was taking a break to focus on himself since he hasn't fully decided what he wanted to direct his life at. He found himself in plenty of things at the same time, but nothing fulfilled him enough to keep focusing on it daily. He kept his pace slow, that's what he liked to think. That life is full of opportunities and that he needs to know which ones exactly he needs to seize.</p><p>"Go feed Ruby." Johnny said on his way out of the kitchen while petting Ruby, Taeyong's dog. "And go get dressed, you'll miss your bus."</p><p>Taeyong depended a lot on Johnny just like Johnny depended a lot on him. Taeyong found comfort in Johnny's rational thinking and would always come to him for comfort, and he welcomed him to live in his apartment instead of rusty, old dormitories in return. He enjoyed Johnny's company in his spacious apartment, because Johnny wasn't intrusive, actually just enough to please Taeyong's introverted personality. They were living alone and together at the same time. They would usually meet in the morning like this, or when they need to fight over who's gonna iron the clothes or wash the dishes. But, it functioned just fine for the two of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've reached the end of this, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it and look forward to the first chapter which will be uploaded very soon following the release of the introductive prologue! Hope you enjoy. Thank you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Taeyong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong sat on the bus with his earphones in, the music turned up to its limit. He had ten minutes to arrive and open the shop, which caused his leg to nervously shake up and down to the fast rhythm of the song he was listening to. The bus was surprisingly empty that morning, so he had the chance to sit by the window.</p><p>He arrived exactly one minute before he needed to open up the shop, which made him sigh in relief. The keys rattled in his pocket, then inside the lock, and by the time he turned over the <em>Closed </em>signed to <em>Open</em>, he already had his first customer at the door. It wasn't a surprise at all, he had been expecting the elder lady to come in and order her usual iced americano any second.</p><p>He put on his apron and welcomed her patience to at least wipe off the dust that's been sitting around since Saturday when he closed the shop. Then, he washed his hands thoroughly and prepared the lady her coffee.</p><p>Since there weren't any other customers that early in the day, mostly because everyone was already at work, he decided to prepare everything else he needed to operate without pressure later when it does get a little crowded. His co-worker Doyoung arrived just on time, which is 15 minutes late, to help him out until there are customers that needed a bartender.</p><p>Doyoung playfully threw one of the cushions from the tables set inside and targeted Taeyong, accidentally knocking down a glass bottle from the counter behind which stood Taeyong. "Asshole," Taeyong laughed. "Come clean this up, I've got better things to do."</p><p>The day was pretty usual, pretty boring. They couldn't put out tables outside because it was rainy, which annoyed Taeyong so much. The customers came in with their dirty, wet shoes and he knew he'd have to clean all that up every now and then. It was pretty crowded inside because plenty of the people sitting inside weren't interested in coffee as much as they were interested in shelter.</p><p>Receipt after receipt, it was almost the end of his shift, and he was patiently looking down to his phone to see the time. He was unusually impatient that day, due to being tired. It was 15:49 and the last 11 minutes were passing by so slow. He finished up washing the dishes, took off the apron and welcomed the person who was to take over instead of him now.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of going straight home he decided to go downtown and pick up some things he desperately needed to buy for his and Johnny's apartment. He knew Johnny would have it easier to drive and pick up the things with him but there were certain charms about shopping alone to him and even bigger charms about riding buses.</p><p>He was such a sentimental person. He loved everything that had a purpose. He loved trains and buses, pretty clothes, animals and art. He loved learning about people and their emotions, the things that make them happy and the things that make them sad. He loved keeping his memories in shapes of little meaningless things to others, but to him they were as sentimental as the memories themself. His wallet was full of old used tickets to shows, concerts, and museums, receipts from his trips, trash and little notes to self. Every time he opens his wallet, at least one thing would stand out to him.</p><p>That was one of those moments. He stood in front of the cashier patiently waiting for them to tell him the total and as he reached out for his wallet, as soon as he opened it up, one ticket from a stand-up show he went to with a friend he used to know peeked up and he swallowed the sigh that he was about to let out and just kindly smiled at the cashier after handing them the exact total of his grocery spree. He filled his tote bags with groceries and left with a sharp <em>goodbye</em>.</p><p>He spread out his umbrella in front of the store and felt the melancholy fill his bones. <em>Maybe it was a mistake, </em>he thought. He thought about a lot of things he did as mistakes. He blamed himself for losing friends and people he loved, it was never someone else's fault, it was always somehow him. The first person he loved left the feeling of worthlessness flowing through his bloodstream. Not necessarily a partner or a lover, but it was someone he deeply loved and cared for.</p><p>Jaehyun was one of the closest friends he had while he was still in high school. He was the friend he secretly loved while secretly adoring his smile and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about things he is passionate about. Thinking of that pierced through his stomach. He frowned to try and make it go away but it all came back to him.</p><p>The thoughts continued to invade his peaceful flow of thoughts and he just let them be after not being able to fight them off completely. His step became slower as he focused on thinking of the person he used to know someday. Now, it's all a blur.</p><p>Jaehyun left Taeyong suddenly, out of the blue. It was a shock. They were never together but losing a friend such as him, so suddenly, broke Taeyong in two. It was during junior year. Jaehyun welcomed him with a harsh, straightforward message about not wanting to be friends with a freak anymore. Taeyong pondered about it and still does, except he found out about the reason being that Jaehyun found out about Taeyong liking him and didn't want to have anything with a guy, especially not one of his closest friends.</p><p>Taeyong thought about it for years. He had issues with getting closer to people and opening up to them, thinking there was something wrong about him. He would lose hours and hours of sleep on thinking if the way he looked at him was wrong, or the way he talked to him, or if anything about him was wrong. Although there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and despite the fact that his other friends tried to convince him that he's just fine, there was this feeling of bitterness inside of Taeyong that the sharp cut of Jaehyun's kife left as an aftertaste in his mouth. After that, no one got to him as close as he did. At least he didn't allow anyone to replace the bitter taste with a sweet one. He got so used to it that it became normal to him.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong sighed as he pulled off his shoes and pushed them with his foot to the side while holding two tote bags and an umbrella in his arms. He was struggling to carry all the things in his arms so he quickly rushed to the bathroom to leave the umbrella to soak inside the shower tub and then placed the groceries cautiously on the kitchen counters. Ruby then greeted him by playfully tugging onto his jeans and he genuinely smiled at her and picked her up to snuggle with her a little before continuing to sort the groceries.</p><p>He sat down on the couch and lifted up his feet and let her play on top of him as well as jump lovingly following all that with a few licks on his face which made him giggle. Right after that, both of them got startled by the sound of keys rattling inside the front door. Ruby jumped up and ended up greeting Johnny in front of the door.</p><p>"Hey," Johnny said in a short breath, "where were you?"</p><p>He sounded like he was in a hurry, but it was just the stairs. The elevator in the building was broken so he was unfortunately doomed to take the stairs to the 6th floor.</p><p>"I just made my way downtown to buy some stuff we need for the apartment after my shift ended," Taeyong said and made his way to the kitchen to sort the stuff he bought after a short cuddle session he had with Ruby.</p><p>"Yeah, I noticed. When I came home you weren't here and you usually are but I didn't wanna intrude. I thought maybe you met someone special," Johnny teased with a grin on his face, playfully pushing Taeyong with his elbow. "Come on, laugh."</p><p>As much as he wanted to, he really didn't find it funny but he just forced a smile not to upset him. Especially after what he had been thinking of the entire day. It was very unusual for him to think of Jaehyun because after some time he successfully pushed it to the back of his mind. Only on some days, such as today, those repressed memories and feelings would resurface and he would just sulk. And it was raining. A winning combination to have a great excuse about why he's not leaving his bed; it's cozy and he's sad.</p><p>He filled Ruby's bowls with food and water and just let her be. He rolled the blindfolds in his room down completely and sat behind his computer. As the screen lit up, his stress gradually went away but what Johnny said really hit the core. He thought maybe after all these years and after all the rants, he'd know some boundaries. But Taeyong was a very understanding person, mostly because it was caused by his self (un)awareness. He was understanding for everyone else but himself. He thought, maybe these people weren't aware of what they were doing or saying, everyone makes mistakes. Even Jaehyun. There wasn't a day or a moment or a second for which he resented him.</p><p>He just missed his friend.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't even blink and it was already 4 in the morning. He realized he had missed both lunch and dinner and even taking a shower and brushing his teeth because he was just so unaware of the time passing. He felt his stomach twirl and made his way down to the bathroom to take a shower and prepare for the very famous less than 4 hours of sleep he gets for work. Before brushing his teeth he went downstairs and had some chips, not even a proper meal, and a glass of orange juice. Maybe this is what Johnny was talking about when he said he started to lose weight. Maybe he was even right.</p><p>Even when he made himself curl up underneath the cozy white covers he couldn't even close his eyes. He just stared into one point he wasn't even completely aware of and allowed the memories to play without an end in his thoughts.</p><p>As soon as he knew it the alarm went off. He didn't notice it was getting early because it wasn't bright outside due to having his blinds completely put down. The sound of the alarm made him literally growl as he almost aggressively pushed the covers off his body.</p><p>Again.</p><p>He repeated the same routine for days on end, and he was getting sick of it. Just the thought of continuing to live that way made him feel insecure and sick, so, one day after work he confronted Johnny with news he was yet to decide whether they're good or bad.</p><p>"I'm going to therapy. And I'm going to try and find something that completes me."</p><p>Johnny sat sealed, wordless on the couch and just looked at him in mild shock. He's never seen him this determined and ready to change.</p><p>"I just need to get him out of my brain."</p><p>Taeyong started sobbing and nuzzled his head into Johnny's arms after years of pretending to be strong and tough. Johnny accepted and embraced him inside his arms without any words. He knew Taeyong was hiding his pain so seeing him so vulnerable felt relieving in a way. He knew he wasn't gonna lose him.</p><p>"I'm here."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much if you've reached the end of this, honestly. I really appreciate it. I hope you're enjoying it so far. If you have any concerns, ideas and so one leave a comment below and I'll be glad to discuss with you. If you liked it however, I would be happy to receive kudos from you! Thank you. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you've reached the end of this, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it and look forward to the first chapter which will be uploaded very soon following the release of the introductive prologue! Hope you enjoy. Thank you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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